Desire
The difficulty in knowing, naming & leaning into our desires.
What do you want me to do for you? It’s a question Jesus asks in John 9 to a blind man. The blind man’s response…"Rabbi, I want to see.”
Over the past few months I’ve heard this question being asked a number of times and in a number of different settings. Firstly on a spiritual direction course I’m attending, then in a podcast I listen to and then in a sermon. (I’ll post the links to both of these at the end.)
What do you want me to do for you?
What a question. It’s not one to answer in one sitting. It’s one to be chewed over and over and over again. To dwell with. It may even take a lifetime to figure out.
For blind Bartimaeus it seemed like an obvious one. But ask me what I want to ask for and I’m left a little stumped. But what I love about this question, is the permission it seems to offer us. That it’s ok for us to even have desires. That it’s a human thing to have longings. The question cuts away the surface level stuff and does a deep dive to get to the core of our soul. It affirms to us that it’s ok to desire
So, here is your permission to name the deepest longings of your heart and to offer them to a Father/Mother/Universe who cares about them.
Who wants to know what they are.
Who wants you to know what they are.
It’s such a huge question it’s hard to know where to even begin. I wonder if it takes for us to slow down a little so we can be still enough to listen to ourselves?
Emily P Freeman in her book The Next Right Thing talks about arrows. She says arrows maybe aren’t the black & white answers we’re often looking for but they can point us in the right direction. To notice the arrows in our own lives we need to pay attention to the interior movements of our hearts.
What gives us life? What energises us?
In Spiritual Direction this is termed ‘Consolation’.
What doesn’t bring us life? What drains us or depletes us of energy?
This is ‘Desolation’. These terms are key in the process of Spiritual Discernment according to Ignatian Spirituality. Something I’ve been learning more about over the last 6 months.
I’m still in the throws of processing this question for myself and probably will be for a long time. And my desires will change as I change. It’s not a static thing. It’s dynamic. Evolving as I evolve. I know there will be more to come but I wanted to share as much as I can for now around this theme of desire because I think it’s a vital one to consider when you’re making a life.
There is still so much that is unknown to me at this stage but here are a few things that I have come to know about my desires and a little around the process of how I’m coming to figure it all out.
Firstly, I am an introvert and I deeply value my own time to recharge. And…I have also learned in the season that I do not do well in isolation. I’ve been in the throws of starting my own business over the past 3 years, mostly on my own. What I’ve learned is that I am better when I’m working with people & not just any people but the right kind of people. For some time now I’ve lost some sense of motivation I once had to develop Wild Therapy and I think that is telling me something. It’s not about giving up but about exploring options to collaborate. There are some possibilities in the pipeline which I’m excited for and discerning at the moment.
Secondly, vocationally I am a counsellor. I love my job. I love it because I know that one of my hearts deepest longings is to connect on more than a superficial level with people and for all of life to be well. Whether this is a client, friends, my family, my dog, the rescued hens that live in my garden. I long for all of them to be well. I’ve just come in from the garden this afternoon where I was bathing a hen that’s not been doing too well lately. She kept on falling over and her feathers had become muddy from the wet ground. I bathed her and then blew dry her feathers. One of my core desires is for all of life to be well. Here’s a little snapshot from bath time…
I long for all of life to be well, to heal, to be whole. It’s part of my DNA. That desire is just in me. In saying this, I also sometimes think I’m an idealist and that all of life really can’t and won’t ever be fully well or healed or whole. Maybe that’s true but the longing for this perhaps idealistic vision continues to give me hope and helps me to continue to play a small part in whatever I can do to make it happen. Even if that’s bathing and blow drying a sick hen.
There’s so much more to explore around the theme of desire and I’ll revisit the question again and again.
I’d encourage you to sit with the question - What do you want me to do for you?
I’d also love to hear your thoughts and movements in your lives too.
Here are some helpful links to folk who have written or spoken about this topic:
Bridgetown Church series: God and the Whole Person - Part 1 Desire by Tylor Staton
Emily P Freeman’s - The Next Right Thing book
Emily P Freeman’s podcast episode 265: How to Know What You Want
As always I hope this speaks gently to you on your way.
Until the next time…
Good Morning Ellie
Thanks again for your writing it is always good to read your articles..
Have a good week.