Walls

Notes from the wild...

A song I’m listening to…Walls by Kings of Leon

A stile over the Mourne wall, Mourne Mountains, Northern Ireland.

This Wild Times Sunday-(ish) newsletter has taken a little bit of a back seat this past few weeks. Here’s why. I’m refer to it as hitting a wall. It’s not because I’m not motivated to write. It’s because I’ve had to take on a part time job while I continue to build Wild Therapy, my outdoor, therapeutic organisation.

I’ve found that the amount of ‘white space” I now have has reduced. White space is that time where I can devote to creativity, when there’s nothing else on my mind or calendar but a creative task, for me it’s writing. I’m trying to lean more into building more white space into my life but as with everything, the struggle is real.

This past season has been one that’s been both confusing and subsequently revealing. The kind where I found myself knocking on lots of doors to try to find a path forward. The kind where I’ve wondered if I should just quit and get a regular job. The kind where everything it would seem, appears to be pointing me away from my deepest dreams and desires. It would be very easy and plausible to throw in the towel.

In response to this season, after I had stewed for some time almost paralysed by self doubt and fear. I began to just do something. I applied for a number of different jobs ranging from part time, permanent counselling roles to highly flexible delivery driver jobs. I just needed something. And the paralysis shifted within me as soon as took a step. It wasn’t a step in the ‘right’ direction, it was simply a step. I took the delivery driver job. It’s physically tough and rewarding and flexible enough for me to still concentrate on developing Wild Therapy at the same time. It’s a God send. On my first shift they gave me these new non-slip back shoes, they’re by a brand called ‘Shoes for Crews’ which made me smile on the inside. These shoes for crews though! On my first shift I just kept tripping over myself! I even checked to see if they were a size bigger than I normally wear but no, just longer toes than I’m used to. It made me giggle in some ways…and highlighted where I feel I’m at right now. Tripping my way forward to deliver. I wonder if I also gave some customers a giggle as a tripped my way to their front door with their crate of groceries! You’ll be pleased to hear that I’m beginning to find my feet with both the shoes and the part time job now…pun intended.

1st shift at Sainsbury’s delivering driving (Jan 23)

I wanted to honour this space and those who read it by bringing an honest account of the wild times in this life and here are a few of mine of late.

In the midst of a cost of living crisis & whilst building an organisation, it was necessary for me to hustle to pay my bills. I’m sure this is commonplace for many entrepreneurs and pioneers but I’m not sure we ever really hear those kinds of stories? How many walls we face while trying to birth the desire or vision within us. How tough the struggle is to bring something to fruition. How deep we need to dig to persevere in the birthing. How lonely it can feel at times. A question I got asked recently which I found extremely helpful was ‘Who are the midwives?’ Who’s helping you to bring this to fruition? My spiritual mentor who asked the question, he’s a midwife.

For my 40th birthday a few months ago, a friend Rachel, who’s a wonderful artist drew me this picture:

Love & walls…words @ Scott Erickson | Art by Rachel McDonagh

I don’t see Rachel very much but at poignant times she’s spoken truth to my journey. I wanted to honour how timely what she drew and spoke to me were. She’s a midwife. I’ve also asked a colleague who’s been there on this journey before to be a Trustee for Wild Therapy, she’s someone I can learn from and grow with. She’s a midwife. It’s important to name these kind of things. To name that we can’t journey this alone and to name the people alongside who are there to support. The clarity begins to come when we name the need.

So back to walls. I always used to think about walls as being something to bring down. Like bringing down our walls to be open to vulnerability. Letting down our defences. But this short book on love made me begin to see walls a little differently. Like perhaps they’re there for a reason and they’re not a sign that we’re on the wrong path but the right one to becoming the person we always hoped we could be! It totally changed my view of obstacles in our way and what we can learn from them and equally how we can climb over them.

I’ve had to borrow a few ladders of late. I wanted to share with you a few of mine.

If you would, I’d love to hear some of yours.

Do share in the comments at the end if you feel you can.

My Walls…

• Lack of clarity on next steps.

• Life practicality like paying bills whilst trying to develop Wild Therapy.

• Wild Therapy administrative tasks that are completely new to me.

My Ladders…

• Just doing something…when you haven’t got the future completely mapped out, or the next step for that matter, (which let’s face it is most of the time), just do something and you’ll find the path begins to open unto us, in the aftermath of our action.

• Finding a job that was easy, practical, manual and took very little mental & emotional energy from me while I continue to develop Wild Therapy. Hello Sainsbury’s delivery driving and a fairly regular income.

• Asking friends and colleagues for advice on setting up as a charity. Inviting people to be Trustee’s on the Board of Directors in the hope to create a more robust structure which will stand Wild Therapy in good stead to prepare to build in 2023.

And so…the birthing pangs are real. Whether it’s a dream you’re bringing to birth, a business you’re trying to start, a relationship you’re trying to understand and heal, a community you’re trying to build or sustain, know that the walls come and they are there for a reason but there are also ladders that we can climb over them.

In the climbing we might just become the people we’d always hoped we could be.

I hope this speaks gently to you on your way.

Until the next time.